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I Wish...

Writer's picture: Fr. SeraiahFr. Seraiah

There are days, like today, where I actually wish I was not married. [It's ok, bear with me for a minute.] I wish this because I love my wife so much. Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous. I love her so much, and we really communicate wonderfully. We talk to each other about everything; well, at least, everything that I can talk to her about. And that brings me back to what I said in the first sentence. I have a hard time not speaking to her about certain things that I experience as a priest, but there are a number of things (not just in the confessional) that I cannot tell her about.


If a marriage is good, then it will have good communication. The couple will be able to communicate to each other about all things, good or bad. They will be able to bring up any subject and have the other be accepting and understanding; and in this they both know that they can be completely vulnerable with the other, and at the end of the day they will still be united. This is part of what it means to be "one flesh".


Now, please do not get me wrong here: my wife and I do have our days of disagreement. There are times when we do not see eye to eye, and we have the occasional "discussion" (this is all part of the sanctification process and we accept it and thank God for it). But, I need to say, that these disagreements are not because I keep "confidential Church" things from her. She knows full well that I cannot speak about some of the things that I go through as a priest (again, this includes everything in the confessional--just in case anyone doubted this!). Yet, because she understands that those things are not "between us" but that they are "the things of God" and cannot be divulged for the privacy of my parishioners, we are able to trust each other.


Thus, if a married priest has a lousy relationship with his wife, then it will be easier to be a priest (in that one way: only). He can keep things from her and she is used to it because they do not communicate well in the first place (I am, of course, not advocating this). If a married priest, however, has a good relationship with his wife then it makes it that much harder to be a priest (not easier--contrary to the opinion of many Catholics today!).


So, once again, there are days when I wish I was not married (because I love my wife so much). Most people do not think about this aspect of married priests; they only think, "he has all the nice things of marriage" without considering the genuine conflict that exists between the two sacraments of Holy Orders and Holy Matrimony. There are times when these two vocations are in tension because it is difficult for a man to be "Christ" to his parish, as well as to his wife, at the same time, but in very different ways. I have said it before, and I will say it again: I am not a big fan of the married priesthood, and (although I rejoice to be married to my wife, and also a priest at the same time) I do not think that opening the doors to more married priests will solve anything at all (and it will create a plethora of problems few people have ever considered!).


Be thankful for the priesthood and pray for the priests you know. Pray for those celibate priests who are serving God so wonderfully. Pray also for those married priests who serve God, and ask for them to receive the grace they need to keep the balance that is necessary to be a good servant of God. Pray especially for those laity in the married state that they would be able to live sacrificial lives towards one another and truly reflect holiness to the world around. Pray that God will guide all of us in how we are to serve Him in righteousness.

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Crest of the Personal Ordinariate of the Chair of St. Peter
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