Dealing with Problems

What if you heard about a man who found out he had cancer, and he decided to ignore it so that it will go away? Most people would say that he is not accepting reality. Some things will go away when you ignore them (at least sometimes). There are things, however, that will not go away just by being ignored. I met an older couple one time who said they had been married for almost 50 years and had never had an argument. After talking to them for a while, I realized they were two strangers living under the same roof who never really talked about anything; they always chose the path of least resistance.

Disagreements, especially among family members should never be ignored. Yes, there are some people who have been heavily influenced by pagan ideas of psychology who think that it is always bad to have discussions about different opinions. I feel sorry for these people because they have a veneer of "peace" in their homes, but down deep there is a sleeping giant waiting to awaken. There are also those people who are in a perpetual state of discontent and always look for a fight. Most people, however, will be somewhere in the middle of the spectrum: neither constantly arguing (which means they are motivated by hate), nor refusing to speak any disagreement (which means they are motivated by fear).

Scripture is loaded with references that say refusing to resolve problems is not good. Problems, especially relational ones, do not go away simply by ignoring them. They need to be dealt with, and that means that people need to talk and express themselves (properly of course, not in anger or with screaming). Reconciliation needs to occur, and forgiveness needs to be asked for and granted. Not having an argument, is not always a good thing; avoiding a fight is good, but arguments (if engaged in rightly) can be the very means of solving a problem and finding true lasting peace.

Relational problems are kind of like mosquitoes. If you ignore them, it is unlikely that they will just go away; they will smell blood and come after you. Learning to argue in a holy manner is not easy; for some people it is really hard. Some will tend to argue like a rabid dog; others avoid argumentation at all costs, and then they find themselves unable to deal with life's real problems when they arise. Let us each learn what it means to love others (especially those in our immediate family) in such a way that we willingly seek resolution and peace in the way that our Lord intended.